Well, it’s been a whirlwind week launching the Sea Archer, and I’d like to thank everyone for all your support and lovely wishes! For the last two days, I’ve had a wonderful time just writing again and it has felt “utterly” fantastic!
I’m deep into book two of the Heaven & Earth Series but in promoting the Sea Archer I had a unique perspective into my heroine, Raven, I never realized. She left everything comfortable behind and decided to travel alone to a place and people she didn’t know, to try and make sense out of the life she’d led up until that time, and the life she wanted to live moving forward. Recently, I did the same thing.
This past June, my son, Charlie, and daughter, Paisley, graduated from college together. Charlie wanted to start working full time immediately, and Paisley, wanted to see the world before she had to settle in and get a new job. I was nervous and didn’t want her doing all of it alone. So, I was able to go with her for a little while, then had some time to myself to see the place I’ve dreamed about since I was little…Scotland!
I’m going to be fifty this year. An age I still can’t believe is possible I’ve attained! However, as many of my readers might know, with age comes wisdom and reflection. I’m reminded right now of Kathy Bates, talking to Jessica Tandy in Fried Green Tomatoes saying, “I’m too young to be old and too old to be young!” It is SO true!!
My girlfriends and I were talking last night about how kids, namely our own, begin to talk to you differently. It’s kind of like they think you haven’t been around the block. As if you don’t know exactly what they’re saying and doing or trying to get away with. That it isn’t new, it’s just that now is THEIR time in the sun. But in growing older, I think I’m starting to understand, it doesn’t mean that necessarily has to change at fifty, or seventy, or really at hundred. Sure, the sun might be shining through the trees, bouncing off a rock, or peeking through the clouds, but it’s still shining. I’m sure my parents and the generation ahead of me and the generation ahead of them, would say the exact same thing. We’re constantly telling our youth to hold on to that time. That it’s beautiful and fleeting and to be present and enjoy each moment, cause it’s gone much too quickly. However, no one really says that in the next phase which quite frankly in some ways, may even be sweeter. You’ve raised your kids, you may have a better sense of self, you’re established and understand your job and you and your partner are possibly more settled in your life. However, I think, especially women, tend to forget about ourselves in favor of absolutely everyone else and you find yourself looking in the mirror one day confused at what you’re seeing and how exactly you got there. In case you hadn’t guessed I was the latter.
It’s not that I’m mourning my youth or feeling like I’ve been put out to pasture and my finest days are done. It’s more like Raven, reflecting on what you’ve done to this point and what you want the future to look like. I’m no longer responsible for my kids and now I get to sit back and see what kind of job I did. My husband and I are no longer rushed to go to the next game or practice or homework assignment, and get to look at each other and say, “Okay, now who are you again?” We will hopefully one day watch our family grow and laugh at our own kids when they become parents. In other words, those days when we started together with the two of us and now continue that journey. It’s pretty sweet and I hope its continuation is long and blessed!
However, in going to Scotland, in a way, I rediscovered myself and remembered that I am capable all on my own. Capable of going to a country I’ve never been to before and drive on the other side of the road, sitting in the other side of the car, with the gears on the other side of your body and mastered it. Capable of being an introvert yet, meeting and talking to a lot of people and making new friends who were strangely fascinated by my life and our country (you’d be shocked at how many people LOVED my accent, I didn’t even know that was a thing, cool American accents). Capable of climbing mountains (literally), and standing in places of the past that decided part of our future, as a new country. Capable of being adaptable to conditions, getting lost and realizing you are the only one to help you. Spontaneous to stop on the side of the road just to witness a breathtaking beauty not thought possible. To be adventurous and try so many new things, particularly whiskey and food, can you say Haggis or Black Pudding (you do NOT want to know). Most of all to be present within my own mind and body in a way I’ve never been.
When I was flying home I was actually a little apprehensive because I didn’t want to lose it. You know that beautiful travel bubble that nothing seems to puncture and then you come home to reality and get into life and it all flies out the window. Coming home has its challenges. In my travels, I didn’t watch television or go to a movie. I didn’t hear or speak of politics and let me tell you I did NOT miss it, not once. When I walked back into my country and I heard that vitriol again, it made me very sad because it doesn’t have to be that way. However, I have tried hard to wake up each morning and return to that delicious sense of center I found in The Highlands. Remembering that I stood on the Quiraing and looked out on that vista and having peace and contentment with where I’m at in the world right now. It’s not at all where I thought I would be, but I do feel blessed with where I am. I’m sure some of that is residual from Vegas but most of it was from that freedom, to be quiet and just listen to what’s going on inside. For some of you, you’ve always done this, but for me, I never have.
Interlaced throughout this blog I’ve posted some of my favorite places and pictures, I hope you enjoy them too. For me, they are a beautiful reminder to hold on to the moment because I wouldn’t go back to my twenties or thirties for anything, and I’m not yet ready for my eighties and nineties but time is indeed fleeting and no matter what time you’re in, it’s beautiful.
I’d love to hear from you about where you feel or felt most capable?
If you took a chance what would you do first and NO you don’t need to win the lottery to do it?